I'm Susan. Or Mom. Sometimes Babe. But most often Mom.
My husband John and I have nine kids. Five boys, aged 22, 20, 17, 12 and 10. Four girls, aged 18, 15, 11 and 7. Two dogs, one cat, two lovebirds and about half a million ants that seek shelter in my kitchen and laundry room every time it rains, which is quite a lot, since Vancouver is a temperate rainforest.
I grew up the daughter of a Baptist pastor and a stay-at-home mother, went to college and majored in nursing and music, toured with a singing group, got a degree in medical lab technology, got married to my teenage sweetheart, started a family, got a degree in lactation consulting, had a few more kids, survived an accident that took away my speech, mobility and memory for a few years (long story for another post), lost my husband (longer story for yet another post), and suddenly realized I was alone with six grieving children and didn't have a clue who I was or how to survive.
This was not my plan, and I was lost and bewildered.
Then I met John. He allowed me to grieve and heal in my own time, with no pressure to move on or "get over it". We had the same faith, the same likes and dislikes, the same sense of humour, the same intolerance for self-centered, narcissistic people, the same practicality and common sense. Six months after we first met, we ordered our wedding cupcakes. A month after that we got engaged. Yeah, we do things a little bit backwards sometimes, just to mix it up a little.
I had been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom for the last nineteen years, but I enrolled the kids in a little private school, and then I went back to college to study Rehabilitation Therapy, a field that held great significance for me in light of my own accident recovery a few years prior. The kids and I moved to a bigger house across town, and when I became increasingly exhausted, weepy and weak, I chalked it up to all the changes and new demands in my life.
But the fatigue became worse and worse, to the point where I couldn't stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time. I slept through most of my classes. I slept in the van before I could find the strength to drive home from school. I slept in the van while my daughters did the grocery shopping. I slept leaning up against the shower wall. I slept in the driveway of my house, too tired to walk inside. As the fatigue increased, new strange symptoms emerged: excruciating pain in every muscle and every joint; random joints would dislocate; my eyes couldn't handle light, everything was in greyscale, like I was looking through smoke; my hearing was muted, like I was hearing underwater, but the volume seemed to be turned up to a painful level; I had constant muscle spasms, tremors, electric shock sensations, numbness around my face and in my toes.
I saw so many doctors I lost count: GPs, neurologists, internists, dermatologists, rheumatologists. They suggested inflammatory arthritis, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, ALS, "just stress", and a need for attention. None of them could explain why, if I was just inventing symptoms, my bloodwork showed ridiculously high levels of C-Reactive Protein (an inflammatory marker), very low Total Protein levels, and a complete lack of immunoglobulins.
Long story that I will detail later, but eventually I was diagnosed with Late Stage Neurological Lyme Disease, a bacterial infection caused by a tiny little spirochete called Borrelia burgdorferi. I also tested positive for Bartonella, Babesiosis, a mycoplasma infection, adrenal insufficiency, and several viral and parasitic infections.
I have absolutely no idea how I managed to finish my program, but I graduated with honours and completed all the required practicum hours. I know for a fact I didn't do it under my own strength, and I give full glory to God, because without Him, I would have joined the other seven people that dropped out of the program because they couldn't cut it.
John and I were married, and I became an instant stepmom to his three children, who I love like my own. I love being this man's wife. I may have been "created to be his helpmeet", but he is an amazing blessing, help and source of wisdom and encouragement to me.
So, that's a little bit about me. My goal through this blog is to provide encouragement to people living with chronic pain and illness, give hope to struggling moms as they parent, share ideas for healthy eating and easy meals, write about what makes my life easier and less painful, and hopefully to illustrate God's love, goodness and grace as, slowly but surely, I learn to yield my plan to His plan, and discover the new and improved Susan.
Blessings,
me. <3
